He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
