We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
