Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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