I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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