Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize