i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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