Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
