Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
