I could have mohawked her pubes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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