Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
