Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize