is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
