I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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