who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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