it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
