There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
