They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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