i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
