She said her name was "party"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
