I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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