this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Duck Duck Cougar?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
