He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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