I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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