I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
