I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And then he peed in my hair
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
