On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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