I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
