i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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