You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
