So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
