it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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