Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
