i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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