I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
