I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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