tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
