do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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