That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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