you're like a bully in the Christmas story
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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