I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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