i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
