I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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