He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
