There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
