Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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