Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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