i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
