But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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