I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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