so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
