there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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