you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
