Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
