youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we made out on top of his cat.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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