there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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