I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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