chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
