i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't think brook has ever known best
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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