Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
