Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
