I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
