Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
