So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
