you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
