Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
