Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
