I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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