I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
