I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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