The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
