I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize