who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
