Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
