So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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