Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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